Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
