Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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