I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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