so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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