Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize