im about as happy as oj after his trial
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize