Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
