I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
