he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
