She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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