Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Randomize
