I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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