i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
