how can u be prego again
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
