Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think your dad took our porno
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
