i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
