I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
