I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
