Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
