I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you.
Bad choice
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
