Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
