I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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