Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
