The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
