It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
