if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
