i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
