you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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