so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the day after is always just damage control
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
