i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
there is glitter all over my balls
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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