god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
