Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
