Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize