I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Please, let me fuck your mom
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
