May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
