If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
