Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
