Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
