Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
