I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
