Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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