My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
