careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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