then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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