You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize