You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
