so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
