"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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