you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
