I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
