Sponge bath it is.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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