U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
