we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
