Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
