wat bout pragnant strippers??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
