I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
