My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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