You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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