I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
