Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize