I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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