alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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