So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
