people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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