What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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