Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
