Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to calm my uterus...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
