I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize