The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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