currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
