The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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