wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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